I don't know...

God might be a great play wright, but he surely is a bad tragic writer, because nobody in this world cries over the millions of tragic plays penned by him, neither there is any spectator of his dramas. people laugh at the tragedies, people don't have time to waste over anybody's tears. hey god why do you write tragedies then? or is it that you don't need a reader or a spectator to tell you how is your composition, perhaps your have your own egos working or perhaps you're over confident about your talents. but sorry to say, i a mere human don't see any talent in you anymore, i a mere human can't appreciate your art anymore, i have only known that a comedy is to laugh and a tragedy is to cry, perhaps Aristotle has overpowered my thought processes or perhaps I've become totally Aristotalian in my conceptualization of things around me but just tell me once, only once, why there is a seamlessness between your tragedies and comedies or why do the human spectators have suddenly changed their view point? why  just tell me why? just once, if you really exist... in fact humans of the day have even started disbelieving you and perhaps i too will join their creed soon...

just can't explain...

just can't explain how i long to run away, far away from this world, into a different world,a really natural world, with lovely long trees, sweet little huts by a babbling river, where people are made for one another, everyone has love and sweet feelings for others and nobody abhors anybody, nobody uses anybody as his/her laddar to success, instead everybody has love, immense love and immemse affection for others. and the nature stands by us, lovely birds sing, cool breeze blows... hey it was just liking dreaming isn't it? can we even imagine such a thing?  we all live a jungle of buildings with people if not more than equally cruel as wild and untamed animals. we call this place as city and feel that we all are so sophisticated, well educated, but we still live those primitive lives, where to live meant prey, kill, do not let others grow , if you aim at  growing... the only difference is that we wear clothes and not leaves and animal skin, we do not use arms made from stones and bones but have much more sophisticated ones, the missiles, the bombs, don't we still prey? don't we still kill? we do and that too in a much gruesome way.

How Selfish I am...

Every morning I get up with a brooding mind and confused face and blame God for almost all my miseries, including my never say be happy attitude, on every occasion, for every situation, for every other difficulty even if I myself create them... I curse God, indeed I don't miss a single minute calling him names, and cursing him, but the moment I am in trouble, I shout oh God please help, ... it is a an every day morning blue.. getting up, getting ready and reaching office on time, and I always start late from home and and just kick start my poor little hero puch at a great speed, as great a speed that had it been a Bolero, would have brought earthquake, and keep wishing... kaash aaj accident ho jaaye, kya mast scene hoga (I wish I meet with an accident, how great will it be ) I'd  be drenched in blood, wow!! how great the blood shed would be, how dynamic the crowd around me would become, hey I'd just look like any stereotypical Hindi movie Hero... but ooppsss... I'm a woman and how   can I dream of doing Shahrukh's or Bachachan's role, not possible let's make it womanish... how sympathetic the scene would be, I'd be getting immense of sympathy from loads and loads of people and even from the strangers, it'd be the best moment to die, with so many to cry after I leave, with so many to sympathize after I am gone... welll, I'm a great dreamer, I keep dreaming and by the time I reach half of the way, I realize that I'm almost late, because in my stupid imagination, I wasted a lot of time, now again ,  I start up with my everyday drama... Good God You Are So Gr8... Bajarabali ki Jai, Mere Pyaare Bajarangbali,( Hail Lord Bajarangbali Hail..Sweet Bajaranbali)Please help me reach office on time just on time not asking you to do any miracle and make me reach ten or twenty minutes earlier, I know it's not possible, but just one or two minutes earlier or exactly on time. just make that happen... and guess what Bajarangbali is  really so kind, so sweet, so nice that I reach on time most of the days leaving aside some of them when i get late and have to face embarrassment of being late!! But that's all, then I don't remember God even for one single minute the whole day.... every Tuesday I decide that I'll get some sweets and offer them to Bajarangbali as my offerings of thanks for his being so nice to me, but by the time it is evening, this feeling totally evaporates, and the idea of buying sweets totally disappears from my mind... and when I finally reach home, have changed, it strikes my mind...oopppsss I didn't bring any sweets for prashad.. now what to do?? very simple, whenever you feel guilty for being bad or rude to somebody, just remember how sad have you   been at some moment of time in your life and how rude and indifferent that person was then... well this is what I do every Tuesday evening I remember each and every sad moment of my life, as if I was born to suffer, and God never stood by my side, and like a perfect villain He has always been rude and indifferent towards me from times immemorial and thus I get a really authentic reason for not bringing any offerings for him... and if Dad is around he brings sweets I feel so stupid and ask him to offer the sweets on my behalf but he never does that for he always brings two separate packs one for himself and one for me... and then like a born lazy, I pray I offer the sweets to him but as late as at 1 o'clock at night... sometimes even 2 o'clock.. and now             feel guilty again for being really rude... and ask sorry...but again the next day comes and my cursing starts religiously... but once in a while i feel like going to temple.. but again selfishly.. asking God to fulfill my wishes... but what to               do... and what to say... I'm Selfish.. a born Selfish... but .. have no option... I have no one else to complain to... I have no one else to curse... I have no one else to call names to... and finally I have no one else to share my secret wishes with and pray to           get them coming true...

death's more beautiful than life...

I'm a firm believer of death. indeed, I'm in love with Death. for me death is not a process or a moment in life, where your life ends, rather it is a land of romantic stories... in fact, i personify Death as a grand persona with an amazing stature. people call me pessimist, may be I'm but whatever you say, death is beautiful, in fact it is more beautiful than life. look life can be good or bad, happy or sad but death has only one feeling, one experience, it is not changeable, neither it is happening again and again. it will take place just once and that will be enough to leave its traces for ever. it can be happy or sad depending on people but for me it will always be a happy experience. i used to think that i'm bi-polar but it is not true i'm not a bi-polar but even then, i have a strange love for death. death has been visible to me like a best friend and at times like a perfect love the only trouble is that the face of the death has always been cover or not properly visible... so i'm not very sure with it's looks but that hardly matters... all troubles starts with the looks you start liking or disliking people after seeing them even though you always liked them before having seen them. well i don't need to see the face of death, it is not important the thing which is most important is that i am deeply in love with death an d death never ditches anybody even if you hate him, he will come to you and hold you forever when you'll die...