Every morning I get up with a brooding mind and confused face and blame God for almost all my miseries, including my never say be happy attitude, on every occasion, for every situation, for every other difficulty even if I myself create them... I curse God, indeed I don't miss a single minute calling him names, and cursing him, but the moment I am in trouble, I shout oh God please help, ... it is a an every day morning blue.. getting up, getting ready and reaching office on time, and I always start late from home and and just kick start my poor little hero puch at a great speed, as great a speed that had it been a Bolero, would have brought earthquake, and keep wishing... kaash aaj accident ho jaaye, kya mast scene hoga (I wish I meet with an accident, how great will it be ) I'd be drenched in blood, wow!! how great the blood shed would be, how dynamic the crowd around me would become, hey I'd just look like any stereotypical Hindi movie Hero... but ooppsss... I'm a woman and how can I dream of doing Shahrukh's or Bachachan's role, not possible let's make it womanish... how sympathetic the scene would be, I'd be getting immense of sympathy from loads and loads of people and even from the strangers, it'd be the best moment to die, with so many to cry after I leave, with so many to sympathize after I am gone... welll, I'm a great dreamer, I keep dreaming and by the time I reach half of the way, I realize that I'm almost late, because in my stupid imagination, I wasted a lot of time, now again , I start up with my everyday drama... Good God You Are So Gr8... Bajarabali ki Jai, Mere Pyaare Bajarangbali,( Hail Lord Bajarangbali Hail..Sweet Bajaranbali)Please help me reach office on time just on time not asking you to do any miracle and make me reach ten or twenty minutes earlier, I know it's not possible, but just one or two minutes earlier or exactly on time. just make that happen... and guess what Bajarangbali is really so kind, so sweet, so nice that I reach on time most of the days leaving aside some of them when i get late and have to face embarrassment of being late!! But that's all, then I don't remember God even for one single minute the whole day.... every Tuesday I decide that I'll get some sweets and offer them to Bajarangbali as my offerings of thanks for his being so nice to me, but by the time it is evening, this feeling totally evaporates, and the idea of buying sweets totally disappears from my mind... and when I finally reach home, have changed, it strikes my mind...oopppsss I didn't bring any sweets for prashad.. now what to do?? very simple, whenever you feel guilty for being bad or rude to somebody, just remember how sad have you been at some moment of time in your life and how rude and indifferent that person was then... well this is what I do every Tuesday evening I remember each and every sad moment of my life, as if I was born to suffer, and God never stood by my side, and like a perfect villain He has always been rude and indifferent towards me from times immemorial and thus I get a really authentic reason for not bringing any offerings for him... and if Dad is around he brings sweets I feel so stupid and ask him to offer the sweets on my behalf but he never does that for he always brings two separate packs one for himself and one for me... and then like a born lazy, I pray I offer the sweets to him but as late as at 1 o'clock at night... sometimes even 2 o'clock.. and now feel guilty again for being really rude... and ask sorry...but again the next day comes and my cursing starts religiously... but once in a while i feel like going to temple.. but again selfishly.. asking God to fulfill my wishes... but what to do... and what to say... I'm Selfish.. a born Selfish... but .. have no option... I have no one else to complain to... I have no one else to curse... I have no one else to call names to... and finally I have no one else to share my secret wishes with and pray to get them coming true...
